Quick Overview

Divorce mediation can be an excellent option for many people going through a divorce. Mediation can save money, result in a settlement that you helped shape, and expedite the divorce process. However, having a successful mediation is not as simple as signing up or giving a mediator your money.

In this article, I will explain what divorce mediation is, how much it will likely cost, and what you should do or be aware of before going through with it.

What is divorce mediation?

A divorce mediation can come in different forms and flavors, but at the end of the day, it is a semi-formal conference or meeting involving at the very least a professional mediator.

A divorce mediator will typically be a lawyer or retired judge. The lawyer and/or retired judge should have practiced family law for a substantive period of time and have experience in the current family law landscape. Even though a mediator will not be able to give you legal advice, they should be able to impart their knowledge of the issues and process to help guide a fair and reasonable settlement.

Divorce mediation can be scheduled, for the most part, for as long or as little as you and your spouse like. However, most mediators are going to schedule around 3 hours at a minimum, and possibly up to a couple of days or even three. Most mediations are scheduled for one full day as this allows ample time to get into the issues, have substantive negotiations, and get a deal done.

The form of a divorce mediation can vary in that some mediators will prefer to have everyone together in the same room and discuss the issues openly. Others will want to have the parties separated and go back and forth to try to reach a deal. Some may do a hybrid approach where issues are introduced together, then negotiated while the parties are in different rooms.

Any of these styles are fine. What is right for you really depends on how well you and your spouse are communicating. If you and your spouse are on good enough terms to be open to mediation, then communicating and negotiating directly may be viable. However, if you think mediating while in separate rooms would be more effective, don’t hesitate to let the mediator know ahead of time.

If a mediation results in a settlement, then the settlement has to be reduced to a writing and signed by both parties. This is required if you want the settlement to be binding. Be sure to go over all terms and make sure they are clear (no ambiguity) before signing anything. Under the family law rules of procedure, and applicable case law, it will be nearly impossible, if not completely impossible, to get out of a settlement once you sign it.

The cost of divorce mediation.

Divorce mediation most likely will not be cheap. As expressed above, a divorce mediator typically is, and should be, a lawyer or retired judge. These people are providing a helpful service, but they also want to get paid commensurate with what they normally get paid. So, you’re probably going to be paying the mediator $300/hour or possibly more, or a packaged price that roughly equates to that amount.

So, you can expect a good divorce mediation to cost around $1,500 or up to 2-4 times that depending on how much time you are setting aside for mediation.

All that being said, the cost of mediation can be a worthwhile investment if you are able to settle all or even some of the issues in your divorce. If you and your spouse were to hire lawyers and litigate, it would cost double the money to address the same issues. Most of the time, litigating costs way more than double because of the time and effort that has to go into the case and it takes more time to prepare arguments and counter-arguments than to make a deal.

If you haven’t already, you can read this article on how much a divorce costs to see how expensive it can really get.

You can also read this article on how to get a “cheap” divorce, which includes mediation as an option.

In summary, the cost of mediation will seem like a lot. However, if you are able to settle some of the issues in your case, then you will save a lot of money on the back end by avoiding litigation over those settled issue, and perhaps more importantly, you will have a deal that you can live with and helped create. This is a lot better than having a judge decide your fate for you, which might not go your way.

Getting ready for divorce mediation

Having a successful divorce mediation is all about knowledge and information. You are playing with fire and/or wasting your money if you go into divorce mediation unprepared.

As stated earlier, the mediator is not going to be able to give you legal advice. So, it will be up to you to be up to speed on the issues of your case and whether a particular offer is fair or not to you.

Because Arizona is a community property state, it seems easy enough. Split everything down the middle, right? Well, it’s certainly more complicated than that. Here are some points to think about to help you understand some things you should know:

• Child support seems easy enough. It’s just a formula. But do you know what income figure to include in the formula, net or gross? Do you know if bonuses should be included in income? What about overtime?
• Should you get spousal maintenance or pay it? You’ve heard about a formula or maybe seen one on the internet? Is that accurate? Is it for half the marriage?
• Is the house, car, or other piece of property really community? Do you know the exceptions to the community property rule, such as inheritances or gifts? Was an inheritance commingled with community funds? Does your spouse get his/her inheritance money “back” even though it was already spent on vacations or other stuff for the family?
• Should you get equal time with the kids? What are the courts ordering mostly these days? What about vacation time and transportation? How do we split the taxes? The IRS says to do it this way. Is that what the court will order?
• Do you know what financial accounts you and your spouse have? Have you seen bank statements? Do you have records going back in time to make sure your spouse didn’t conceal funds or make a secret transfer before filing for divorce?

Conclusion

As you can see, there are a lot of questions and potential areas where, if you aren’t educated on the law, it will be really difficult for you to make a good decision and fair settlement. Just because something seems fair on paper doesn’t mean it’s fair. For example, splitting X down the middle sounds fair and it’s hard to argue with 50/50. But, if X were in fact your separate property, then splitting it down the middle isn’t fair, it’s a huge loss to you.

To prepare for mediation you should at least be familiar with the basics of divorce. You won’t have time to go to law school, or read all of the family law treatises or case law. But you can get up to speed enough so you can make educated decisions and protect your rights.

That’s what I do to help people in fact. I prepare self-help online divorce courses to help people get educated. If you’re planning on going through with a divorce mediation, and you don’t have a lawyer there to help you, I highly recommend that you look into the courses I offer to help get you up to speed and prepared for your mediation. They are relatively cheap and come with a 30-day no hassle money back guarantee, so there’s nothing to lose. Check them out here.